


Snow Fall

by Lazarus163



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Gay Dean Winchester, Healing, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Moving On, Mpreg, Romance, Snow, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 16:16:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazarus163/pseuds/Lazarus163
Summary: It was snowing when they first met, and it snowed on every important milestone in their life aside from their marriage.This is a story about friendship-lovers. This is also a story about how it ended for them. And a story about finding peace with death, moving on and dealing.





	Snow Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Guyyyyyyssssss why did I write this? It is so much fluff but so much sad and help me good Lord what have I done? 
> 
> So, I wrote this while it was snowing. I love the snow (when I don't have to shovel it) and just kind of statred writing. 
> 
> I also try to make a point to do one Destiel fic a year either before or on Christmas. I have a hard time with their chemistry and I don't know why so I apologize if in some places it seems off. I am deeply sorry for that.

The first time they met it was snowing. They were both five. Blue eyes peaked out from behind his mother’s leg at the green eyed boy with freckles. Black wavy hair mussed by the winter wind, a shy smile on his face. 

“I’m Castiel, what’s your name?” 

“I’m Dean, it’s nice to meet you, Castiel.” Castiel bowed his head in embarrassment.

“C-call me, Cas, please.” Dean smiled, 

“Okay… Cas.” 

* * *

 

Their first playdate it was snowing. Both boys running through the front yard at the Winchester’s house, throwing snowballs and making snowmen. 

“Crap!” Cas yelled when ice hit the side of his head.

“Cas!” Dean sprinted to him, crouching next to his friend and began crying. There was blood. He was a bad friend. He hurt Cas. 

“Dean, I’m okay, see?” He touched it and smiled, it did hurt, but he didn’t want his friend to cry so he was brave for him. Brave for Dean. “It doesn’t hurt,” Dean nodded and wiped at his eyes. 

“Don’t tell your mom, she’ll hate me.” 

* * *

 

It was snowing the day he was called to guidance in Lawrence Middle School. Two days before his birthday. 

“Mrs. Keen?” He looked and saw Cas in the office as well, “what’s going on?” Mrs. Keen had a sad look in her eyes, Dean looked to Cas for help but only was met with equally confused eyes. 

“I talked to your mother today, Dean, she and Naomi both decided that Cas needed to be here for this. Your father passed away Dean...” Dean crumbled to the floor, the sound of her voice distant from everything else besides soul crushing fear. Denial, rage, crippling depression all at once hit Dean and he sobbed loudly. Her voice came back into focus. “She’s picking you and Cas up so you can go be with your family and friends.” Cas knelt next to him. 

“Is there anything I can get you, anything you need right now?” Dean shook his head and hugged Cas tightly. This wasn’t happening. 

* * *

 

The funeral was delayed by the snow for an extra week. And as he watched the casket get lowered into the ground snow fell once more. Dean felt wrong. Didn’t feel like he could manage through the pain by himself. But when a hand clasped around his he looked to see Cas standing with him. A silent conversation being had. One that made Dean know Cas would stay. That he would never leave Dean no matter how bad things got.

* * *

 

The night of their first high school dance it was snowing (the first one they actually bothered to go to anyway) and they stood off to the side. Neither mingling with their other group of friend's, content with their silence. 

“Wanna get outta here?” Dean asked as he surveyed the room. Cas nodded and they left the crowded room and out to Dean’s car. Probably the only thing he valued the same as Cas' friendship. But as they sat in the quiet, the only noise being the soft purr of the engine, Dean looked at his friend. He wanted more. He wanted everything. His body took over, betraying his brain as he leaned close. 

“Dean, what are y-“ Dean shushed him and continued his pursuit. Tentative, he pressed his lips to Cas' and pulled back, searching his eyes for something, anything that either said “yes continue” or “you just made me uncomfortable, bring me home” instead he saw flushed cheeks and wide eyes and fingers pressed against perfect lips. Cas let his hand fall and took Dean’s in his, hands arching up, fingers intertwining he leaned close to Dean, unsure of himself, unsure of his feelings, unsure of what all this meant. But as he looked into fanfiction green eyes he knew this is what he wanted. So he cupped the back of Dean’s head and brought him close before they shared a real kiss. One that made Cas weak through his entire body, one that made Dean’s stomach do summersaults. A kiss that shocked both of them in the same way. Because it felt right. 

* * *

 

They kept their relationship secret for over a year. After that night at the dance they had been selfish with it. Not telling their friends or parents (in Dean’s case “parent”) of what had happened. They hid it well. Nothing too affectionate in school. Nothing too affectionate when they were around friends or family. But when they were alone it was sweet kisses and touches that left both of them panting and wanting more of something but neither knew what that something was. 

And it was snowing the day Dean had finally built up enough courage to tell his mother. Two weeks before, on his seventeenth birthday he had said the words out loud and to himself as he looked into the bathroom mirror. “I am gay” may have been the most freeing statement he had ever made, because once the words tumbled past his lips it felt easier. No more anxiety. What was there to be anxious about? It was who he was. They didn’t live in some barbaric age where people would be killed for it. 

“Mom? C-can I talk to you?” His voice was weak, and as they drew closer to the living room he felt tears stinging the back of his eyes, felt his heart clench and vision blur. 

“Dean what’s the matter?” Mary asked, noting her son’s change in demeanor and mood. He shook his head and went to speak but the only sounds that came out was a small sob. She stood and walked to him, sitting down next to him she pulled him into a hug. “Sh… Dean, what’s wrong?” He went to say the words again, finally pulling the last ounce of his courage. 

“I’m gay,” he squeaked. Mary nodded and rubbed his back as he cried, he calmed down after an hour of reassurances and soft spoken words from his mother. Finally he managed to get his breathing under control and looked at her. 

“Why were you so afraid to tell me?” She asked as she cupped his cheek. 

“I… I don’t know. I just thought because of how dad was th-“ 

“I loved your father dearly, Dean, but he had some horrible views about the world. You are who you are and that’s okay… I’ve had a feeling for a really long time, honey, and I’m glad you talked to me. So why don’t we make some hot chocolate, get Sammy and watch a movie, huh?” He smiled and nodded, she leaned close and placed a kiss in the center of his forehead. 

* * *

 

The first time they made love it was snowing, just three days after the conversation Dean had with his mom. It had been a gorgeous February day, they had a wonderful time at the movies and at dinner where they held hands under the table and played footsie. But as they neared Dean’s house things heated up. They now laid together, legs intertwined, and panting. 

“Dean…” and the first time they said I love you, a winter storm made it’s presence known. “I love you,” Cas whispered as the lights went out. Dean’s arms coiled tightly around his best friend. His boyfriend. His entire world, and he spoke. 

“I love you too, Cas.”

* * *

 

The day of the house fire it was snowing. Dean sat in the back of an ambulance, a shocked expressions adorning his face where hard lines had begun to appear. He had went over for coffee and found the house… 

“Mr. Winchester?” Dean tilted his head up to see the police chief who shook his head. Dean nodded slowly and fumbled for his cellphone before dialing the only number that could help him.

“C-Cas?” 

“Dean? I’m in the middle of class wh-“ 

“House fire… mom, she…” The phone slid from his hand as he watched them walk out of the smoldering remains of his childhood home with a body bag. A filled body bag.   
The whether began to rage and Dean sat waiting. When he saw the silver sedan that marked Cas' arrival he broke. Tears fell from his eyes and deep sobs shook his body. They let Cas over to him and he jumped in beside Dean, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Shhh… baby, look at me. Dean, please look at me.” Dean looked at him, and the look on Dean’s face absolutely shattered Castiel's heart. His eyes looked hollow, his body was sagged. Crippling grief had taken it’s hold over the love of his life. “Let me take you home, okay?” Dean stood, feeling numb as he walked to Castiel’s car, the Impala being forgotten from it’s place next to the curb.   
The snow flurried all the way home before coming down heavily as lights were dimmed in the quiet house. Cas helped Dean sit, arm around his shoulder as Dean leaned against him. 

“Cas… Why?” He whispered, “why did this happen?” A lone tear fell from his eye as the words left his mouth. “I don’t have anyone left Cas. Mom is gone. Dad’s gone. Ellen and Jo won’t speak to me… Sammy-Sammy wants nothing to do with me.” 

“You have me, Dean. You have Charlie. You have Bobby and Missouri and Eileen… You have people left. People who love you.” Dean closed his eyes and soon silent tears fell. It hurt… 

* * *

 

It was snowing when Castiel proposed to Dean. They walked through the park, hand in hand having a quiet evening together. When they reached the frozen pond Castiel got down on one knee. 

Dean didn’t let him finish before he said yes and was pulling Cas to his feet and bringing him in for a long kiss.

In the back of Dean’s mind he thought of his mother, how almost a year ago she was lost, and how she now won’t be able to see him engaged and happy. But soon the only thing that was on Dean’s mind were the hands that were tracing circles on his hip bones as they kissed. 

“I love you, Dean.” 

“I love you too, Cas.” Dean said, he searched this man’s eyes. Blue meeting green. 

* * *

 

The day Dean finally decided to go to the doctor it was snowing. A year and a marriage later things may have just been perfect. Sam was back in his life and speaking to him on a regular basis, Cas got the job of a lifetime four days after his proposal to Dean. 

“What brings you in today?” His doctor asked, 

“Last two months I’ve felt fatigued and been waking up and puking… puking a lot actually not just when I wake up. Moody too…” The doctor nodded and had Dean lay on his back before she palpated his abdomen. 

“Do you have any history of Gastrointestinal problems like ulcers, colitis, gerd…” 

“No,” he responded. She nodded, 

“I’m feeling some abdominal firmness… drink, smoke, drugs?” 

“I drink sometimes,” 

“Any family history of carriers?” That struck Dean off in the weirdest ways. Carriers were a rare occurrence. Science best guess at explaining carriers is some men in embryonic development get extra estrogen in addition to what they naturally produce, this being primarily from the mother, whether her estrogen count is higher or if she may have gotten sick during the sexual development phase of a fetus’s growth. And he remembered a story his mother had told him, of how she had gotten extremely sick and had almost miscarried with him. He gulped, 

“Not that I know of,” 

“I’m gonna send you for an ultrasound and get some blood work, okay? We wanna rule out every possibility.” An ultrasound and four tubes of blood later Dean was back in the doctor’s office, staring at the buttons on his phone. What the hell would he tell Cas? “I’m pregnant, deal with it” or “if I had known this wouldn’t have happened” or “I know you probably want nothing to do with this. You probably didn’t want kids anyways right?” They were all solid options. The doctor popped her head in and smiled. 

“Alright, we’re going to review the ultrasound first,” as they did Dean felt sick. Uncertainty. Denial. So many “what ifs?” coursed through his mind it gave him a headache. She pursed her lips as she looked through the images.   
“Right here are you fallopian tubes, your cervix and uterus...” And as she kept speaking Dean tuned everything else out. Denial set in hard and he shook his head at the words “there is your baby” and “congratulations” and “are you okay” before everything went black. 

Upon waking he was in the emergency room. It was explained to him that he had had a panic attack and had passed out. After them checking his blood pressure and heart rate, along with a short term script for Ativan, they sent him home. The drive back to the house was a blur. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible. The doctors was wrong. He was so completely sure he was wrong he stopped at the pharmacy and got a pregnancy test. He’d sue her. He would sue her for the panic attack she caused. That’s what he’d do. 

But as the five minute mark came to an end and he saw the two blue lines his eyes widen and he felt light headed. He managed to make it out of the bathroom and into bed where he laid in silence. How the hell do you explain that? How do you go short of thirty years without being checked, without realizing that this was a real possibility. A very rare and almost unheard of possibility, but real. 

He felt several emotions. Anger for being dumb and not ever bothering to figure out why he sometimes got horrible abdominal cramps, which he realized happened for about three days once a month. Anger that they didn’t use protection, though he was allergic to latex so that was entirely out of the question anyways… but why had it happened now? After almost thirteen years of being sexually active with one and only one person why the fuck was it happening now? And that’s when fear reared its ugly head and had Dean packing a bag. No note. Nothing. As he made it to the door when it opened. Cas stood on the other side, a confused look on his face as he noted the packed suitcase and Dean’s avoidance of his gaze.

“What’s going on?” Dean gulped and went to move by him but felt extremely guilty. Not to Cas. He couldn’t leave him. Not after everything. He sighed and dropped his bag before turning and walking to the living room silently. “Dean what’s wrong?” 

“Do you want kids?” The words tumbled from his mouth and Cas was left feeling… shocked? Why was this conversation already happening? After being married for less than a month... The palms of his hands felt sweaty as he removed the trench coat and let it fall on the couch behind him.

“I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted. And he really never had for a number of reasons. First and obvious problem. Dean was a man, so that ruled out anything pretty much from the start. Secondly, adoption takes an extremely long time and regardless of his job surrogates were expensive.

He watched Dean’s hand coast to his stomach but stop and drop down to his sides. There was the tell tale click of his jaw that either meant he was angry or had something he really didn’t want to have to say, or admit. 

“Why is this coming up now Dean?”

“I’m carrier,” he blurted out. It hung heavy in the air for a while. Cas connecting dots one by one. “I haven’t been feeling well and I went to the doctors today… Cas I’m almost thirty years old how the hell didn’t I notice? Those cramps I sometimes get? Apparently that’s my equivalent of a period. A fucking period, Cas!” 

“Do you want kids, Dean?” Dean shook his head, he loved Cas to death, but he could being extremely dense sometimes. He took the conversation in the opposite way of what Dean wanted. The way that meant he didn’t have to say “I’m pregnant” out loud and have it become real. Because an ultrasound, a blood test, and a positive pregnancy test paint the picture. But saying it makes it real. 

“Regardless if I want one or not it really doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean?” He tilted his head. Endearing was a word many people would say about some of Cas' behaviors, but it sometimes pissed Dean off to no end. 

“I’m pregnant,” Dean said. 

* * *

 

A snowy Christmas day was when Lucas Novak said his first words. 

“Ball!” He screeched, 

“That’s my smart little man,” Dean cooed as he handed the ball to him. “Did you get it on video?” He asked without turning to look at Cas. 

“I did,” Cas smiled from his place next to them. “Lucas, look at Papa,” Lucas turned brilliant sea green eyes on Cas and smiled,

“What do you have Lucas?” 

“Ball!” 

* * *

 

The day of the accident it was snowing. Dean was at home with Lucas, Sam, and Jess when the house phone rang. He left him with his Uncle and Aunt and walked into the kitchen and answered the phone. 

“This is Dean,” 

“Mr. Winchester, your husband is in ICU, we need yo-“ his ears rang and he dropped the phone and was racing to the hospital. As he got into ICU he was informed Cas was being transferred to trauma unit. 

“What happened?” 

“Mr-“ 

“What happened?!” He barked, an EMT made his way to Dean and pulled him aside. 

“He hit ice on the highway and wrapped his car around a tree... We aren’t sure if he’s going to make it.” He was led into trauma where a team was working on Cas, trying to stabilize him. There was blood, bruises and to Dean’s horror finger bones sticking out of the skin. But he was conscious. That was good, right? 

“Cas…” Dean rushed to him, taking his hand carefully in his. 

“Dean...” His voice was so weak that Dean didn’t know what to do. It must be bad if they were letting him back into trauma unit. This wasn’t happening. “I’m… I need you to tell Lucas that Papa loves him…” 

“Cas no…” Dean felt tears fall from his eyes, Cas let his hand move to Dean’s abdomen, where the smallest of a bump was forming. 

“Names… We need names…” 

“Cas you’re gonna make it through this, please-“ 

“Dean…” Dean nodded and closed his eyes before opening them. 

“Okay,” 

“If it’s boy, I want you to name him Christopher… if… if it’s a girl I… I want you to name her Mary.” Dean nodded and leaned down, kissing his head. “I love you,” he whispered and Dean watched the light leave his eyes. He watched Cas take his final breath. He just watched, he was shoved out of the way, epinephrine injected into his husband’s heart, trying to get it to jump start but they weren’t meant with the sound of a slow weak heartbeat. They were meant with the continuous sound of a flat lined heart monitor. 

* * *

 

It was snowing when Dean watched Cas' casket disappear in the ground. They fell in big fluffy flakes, sticking to black clothing. Three year old Lucas not understanding why his dad was upset.

“L, come here,” Dean said picking him up. “I need you to be strong for the both of us, okay?” 

“Where is Papa?!” He demanded, kicking Dean’s chest as tears fell from his eyes. 

“He had to go to sleep,” Dean said biting his lip against the tears that threatened to fall. He wouldn’t cry. Not in front of Lucas at least. He didn’t want to upset him more. “He had to go to sleep for a very long time,” Dean whispered as a tear made it’s way out of his eye the damn trader.

“Dean?” He looked to see Ellen, who had quickly came when called. Seeing the woman who was like a second mother to him made the wall he built shatter he dissolved into tears. She had finally let go of what John had said to her and had opened her home to Dean. She pulled him into her arms after handing Lucas to Jo who made promises of a Harry Potter marathon when they got back to the house. 

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” she whispered. 

“It hurts… Ellen it hurts,” he sobbed. 

* * *

 

The first time Mary asked about Castiel it was snowing. Five years had passed. Lucas, now eight, was at his friends house while it was just the two of them. It had stopped Dean dead in front of the stove, her grilled cheese almost forgotten until her voice became shrill. 

“Daddy you’re burning it!” He cursed quietly and saved the grilled cheese just in time before having her sit at the table. She had his eyes. His hair. 

“What do you want to know?” 

“What was he like?” She asked cocking her head and almost immediately he felt the sadness. Cas would do that. Cock his head after asking a question. He took a deep breath and smiled. 

“He was… he was amazing. He was nice, sometimes too nice to people who didn’t deserve it. He loved helping people, so much that he became a doctor. He didn’t get to meet you, but before you were born he told you how much he loved you every night before we went to sleep.” She nodded, 

“How did you meet?” 

“We were five, our mom’s were best friends in high school, and when they moved back to town I met him,” 

“You knew Daddy when you were five?!” Dean laughed, 

“Yeah, I did, why?” 

“Because daddy, that means you’re old!” Dean pouted, 

“I’m not that old,” he grumbled. She laughed, 

“You’re silly,” she told him. 

“Are you ready to go with Uncle Sammy and Jess?” 

“Is Mark gonna be there?” She adored her baby cousin, he smiled. 

“Yes he is. Alright princess, let’s get your bags downstairs, okay?”

* * *

 

After she left Dean broke down, she didn’t know any better. They didn’t have rules about not talking about him. But he had wished she could have broached the subject any other day besides the day of their anniversary. It didn’t snow the day they were married, but every year since his death it had snowed on the very day. The same weather that had taken his life, always reminding him. 

They had met, after all, when it was snowing. He didn’t think of it as a bad thing anymore. Maybe Cas was telling him it’s okay. That he was okay. But that didn’t stop the tears that fell as he drove to the cemetery. He turned the car off and got out before walking the all to familiar path to the headstone that held his name. He and Dean’s wedding picture had been etched in on the upper right corner.   
'Castiel was my brother. My best friend. My rock. Since childhood he had always been there for me. And I for him. When he had told me he was gay, and dating his best friend, I told him it was okay, and it turned out I was right. 

Because he and Dean became high school sweethearts and eventually moved to Marriage and by the grace of God, children. Castiel loved being a father. Lucas was the light in his eyes and the smile on his face. He had confided in me when Dean went into delivery that he was terrified. That he was going to be like our father.   
In truth, he became the most amazing father.’  
He continued to read the script on the headstone. Anna, Cas' sister, had requested what she had spoken with Lucas at the gathering after the funeral to be put on her brothers head stone, and Dean had instantly said yes. Because of the last part, for it had caught his eye. 

‘My nephew, Lucas, wrote this about his dad. “Daddy told me Papa had to go to sleep. And that’s okay. Daddy said he’s safe and sound. I love you Papa, and I’ll see you again one day.”’ -Anna Novak   
More tears fell from his eyes as he traced the words. 

“Cas… it’s been… five years since you’ve been gone… I uh… I need to say goodbye. I know you’d forgive me if I ever fell back in love, I just… the kids need more than just me. I need someone.” He placed a kiss to the head stone and began to sob openly, kneeling in the fresh and powdery snow. “It hurts, baby. Knowing you’re not here, it fucking hurts. I-I…” 

* * *

 

It was snowing when he met him. A man, a widower with Arctic blue eyes and a southern drawl. Blue eyes peeked out from behind his father’s leg, looking at Dean curiously. While Mary did the same, looking at the boy. She giggled when he stuck his tongue out at her. 

“Jake, be nice,” 

“Sorry dad,” he grumbled. Dean watched the exchange before smiling an extending a hand. 

“I’m Dean,” 

“Benny,” 

* * *

 

It was snowing on their first date, where they ended up at the movie theaters. It felt familiar. Familiar because this is where Cas had taken Dean on their first date. Their first real date at least. As the movie came to a close Benny asked him about dinner. Dean smiled. 

“I would say yes, but I’ve gotta be home tonight.” As he walked towards his car Benny’s voice stopped him. 

“Tomorrow?” He asked hopefully, the smile that took Dean’s face was enough for Benny. “I’ll pick you up at six,” 

“Alright.” As Dean drove home he pulled into the cemetery and walked to Cas’ headstone. He knelt and brushed the snow off and smiled softly. “I… I met someone.” He began, he expected to feel guilt, he expected to feel something wrong, but instead he felt okay. For the first time in five years he felt okay.

“His name is Benny. He… He has a son named Jake. Benny is a little older than I am, but… but I think that’s okay. That’s okay, right?” He waited for an answer, half expecting one to come. 

“Cas… I… I will always love you. You were always there for me when I needed you. Always caring. You never let me down… And I’m ready to move on. I know it’s what you want.” He recalled their wedding vows and sniffled as tears fell from his eyes. “I vowed to protect you. To love you. To give you everything I was and more. I vowed to give you happiness, and I did. I gave you kids, love, my everything. You were the love of my life. You… you were the first person I ever loved.” He spoke the words, changing things to past-tense as he did. “Until death do us part… and it did. But I know, wherever you are you’re happy. Your safe… you’re…” tears fell from his eyes and he wiped at them with his sleeve. “That you’re watching over us.” As the words left his mouth he felt a hand on his shoulder. It felt all too familiar. He turned, expecting to see Cas but was met with only the snow flurries that drifted through the headstones. “I know I will see you again one day… goodbye baby, I love you.” As Dean left the cemetery that day he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. 

He had a lot of sorrows and tragedies in his life. And Cas was always there through them. Cas was always there for him. And he knew, deep down, moving on is what Cas would want him to do. 

And he never would have made it this far without Cas. And he knew that. So he sat in the car and took deep breathes and smiled. Every kiss, every time they made love, every time Cas said his name was filed away. He would cherish what they had until the day of his death. But as he drove home he set his sights on the future. Cas was his past and now that he accepted it he was ready. Ready to move on. Ready to heal. 

And unknown to Dean, almost thirty three years ago to the day, he had met a boy with Crystal blue eyes and black hair mussed by the wind, peeking out from behind his mother’s legs. A boy who insisted he be called Cas. All on a day that it was snowing.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Really hoped you guys enjoyed :)


End file.
